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Hello there! It's me, MARCIANA, suddenly one of Carl's/David Wenham's biggest fans. I, apparently, had too much time on my hands. I sat through 3 (more) screenings of Van Helsing just to get these for you other fans of Carl/David Wenham. Not too much trouble though. It cost me very little! Ü Anyway, I was able to write down most if not all of Carl's lines from the movie, just for the heck of it. The lines with a "Ü" have sound clips in .wav files to go with them. You can just click on the "Ü", or Right Click and Save Target As for them. You may have to turn up your speakers though, since I don't have an impressive sound system and computer mic. If you want to put any of these up on your own website, transcripts or clips, go right on ahead, but please do tell me at least, and of course give me some form of credit. Enjoy, Carl fans...

By the way, I don't know if you caught it, but Carl said the most peculiar thing when he found this place...


IMPORTANT! These lines from the script do not belong to me. I transcribed them straight from what I heard at least 5 times in the movie theatre. The sprites beside the Carl lines are also not mine. They are used with permission from the Carl fansite/fanlisting "JUST A FRIAR," which you should really go check out, it's a great place! Really fun! And the webmistress, Bikuki, is really nice, a very lovely person...


~(Ü)~Faster please! Faster, faster! Faster! FASTER! (guy behind gets electrocuted). ::SHRUG:: Getting there. ::Sees Van Helsing:: Ah, there you are! So, did you bring Mr Hyde back or did you kill him? Hmph. You killed him, didn't you? That's why they get so annoyed! When they ask you to bring someone back, they don't mean as a corpse! Oh, all right, you're in a mood. Well, I've got a few things here that'll put the bit back in your mouth. Oh, now, any idiot can make a sword. ::a burly priest threatens him with a still burning sword.:: Sorry, father. ::goes over to artillery:: Here, take this. ::gives bag to Van Helsing:: Rings of garlic, holy water...::activates a stake::...silver stake, crucifix...::machine gun goes off.::

 Van Helsing~I gotta get me one of those!

 ~You've never gone after vampires, now have you?

 VH~Vampires, goblins, warlocks, they're all the same...

 ~No, no, no, no, they're not all the same. A vampire is nothing like a warlock. My granny could kill a warlock.

 VH~::snort:: You've never been out of the abbey, how do you know about the vampires?

 ~I read. (Ü) Ah, here's something new! Glycerin-48. ::takes a drop and throws it...it explodes.:: Sorry! Sorry! SORRY!

 Some Priest In The Background~What in the name of Allah is wrong with you!


~*~*~*~


 ~(Ü)~This is my latest invention. It's gas propelled, capable of catapulting arrows in rapid succession at tremendous velocity. Just pull the trigger and hold on. Now, I've heard the stories coming out of Transylvania, trust me, you'll need this. Work of certifiable genius.

 VH~If you don't say so yourself.

 ~Well, I did say so myself. A veritable cornucopia of talent.

 VH~Did you invent this?

 ~"I've been working on that for 12 years. It's platinum-laced(???) magma from Mount Vesuvius with pure alkaloid, it might be dangerous! One of a kind.

 VH~What's it for?

 ~I don't know, but I'm sure it will come in handy.

 VH~12 years, you don't know what it does?

 ~I didn't say that! I said I didn't know what it's for. (Ü) What it does is to create a light source equal to the intensity of the sun.

 VH~And this'll come in handy how?

 ~Oh, I don't know, you could, blind your enemies, charbroil a herd of charging wildebeest, use your imagination!

 VH~No, Carl, I'm going to use yours, that's why you're coming with me.

 ~Like hell that's damnèd I am! (NOTE: Still not too sure about this line, but it's very very close.)

 VH~Carl, you cursed! Not very well, mind you, but you're a monk, you're not supposed to curse at all!

 ~Actually, I'm just a friar, so I can curse all I want. DAMMIT. ::grin::

 VH~(Ü)~The cardinal has ordered you to keep me alive. For as long as possible.

 ~::protest:: But I'm not a field man! Van Helsing! I don't want to go to Transylvania!


~*~*~*~


 ~What do you remember?

VH~Not now, Carl.

~There must be something.

VH~I remember fighting the Romans of Pasada (???).

~That was in 73 AD!

VH~You asked.

~What are we doing here besides that?

VH~They say if we kill him, anything bitten by him or created by him will also die.

~I mean besides that.


~*~*~*~


~Is it always like this?

VH~Pretty much.


~*~*~*~


Gravedigger~Strangers don't last long here.

~I think so.


~*~*~*~


VH~Carl! CARL! It's not working!

~Try aiming at their hearts! ::throws a fresh barrel of arrows to VH.::


~*~*~*~


~::silence, waiting for the sun to be hidden and the Brides to come out.:: Er...Van Helsing?...


~*~*~*~


~This should do the trick. HOLY WATER! ::throws a bottle of Holy Water into the air, which is caught by one of the brides and thrown away.::


~*~*~*~


~::Gets an idea.:: THE CHURCH!


~*~*~*~


~::points up at the sky.:: HERE SHE COMES!!


~*~*~*~


Someone offscreen~He killed a vampire!

~But isn't that a good thing?


~*~*~*~


~Are you always this popular?

VH~Pretty much.


~*~*~*~


Anna Valerious~So how did you get here?

~We came by sea.


~*~*~*~


~(Ü)~Why does it smell like wet dog in here?

VH~WOLF!

~Oh, right! You'll be needing silver bullets. Well done!


~*~*~*~


~::one of Dracula's children smashes against a window.:: OH! Oh, that's not good! Must...warn...SOMEBODY!


~*~*~*~


Transylvanian Girl~(Ü)~What happened?

~They just died!

TG~::kisses him hard on the cheek.:: How can I ever repay you? ::CARL gives her a look, then whispers something in her ear...(cue audience's knowing grins and laughs).:: GASP! But you can't do that! You are a MONK!

~Well, actually, I'm just a friar.


~*~*~*~


~::Wakes up violently.:: VAMPIRES! ::arm of TG reaches for him.:: AAAAGH! ::smiles at sleeping form of TG.:: Oh. Now I remember. ::leans on trigger.:: WHOA! ::reads inscription.:: Even a man who is pure at hear and says his prayers by night may become a wolf. When the wolfbane blooms, the moon is shining bright...(THIS PART OF THE INSCRIPTION I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND.)...His body takes to flight! ::the painting comes alive, startling him.:: AAARGH! AAAAAAAAH! ::falls over the couch.::


~*~*~*~


~And then the painting came alive! The two creatures attacked each other!

VH~What does it mean?

~I don't know.

VH~Now listen, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.

~::GASPS.:: I'm staring at him. Is that a man?

VH~Actually, that's 7 men. Parts of them anyway. ::shoves CARL into the carriage.::


~*~*~*~


Frankstein Monster: Let me go!

~But where are you going to go? I don't know if you've looked in a mirror lately but you kind of stick out in a crowd!


~*~*~*~


~::sees AV hanging precariously outside his carriage window.:: Oh my God! What are you doing out here?

AV~::exasperated:: CARL!!

~Right, right! Don't let go!


~*~*~*~


FM~I can help!

~You won't kill me?!

FM~Only if you don't hurry!


~*~*~*~


~Are you all right?

VH~::grunt:: No.


~*~*~*~


~(Ü)~I'm sure this is some sort of sin.

VH~Don't worry, God will forgive us.

~::jerks his head up and down, making the bells on his jester hat ring.:: You don't think the hat's a bit much, do you?

VH~Carl! Help me!

~(Ü)~Oh right. How many commandments can we break in one day? Anyway, according to the books you won't turn into a werewolf until the rising of your first full moon. That's 2 nights from now. Even then, you'll be able to fight Dracula's hold on you until the final stroke of midnight.

VH~Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.

~Oh my God, you should be terrified! Well, we still have 48 hours to find a solution. You're sure it can't get out of there?

VH~Not without some help from the dead.


~*~*~*~


~::Spots Dracula and Anna:: Ah, there they are.


~*~*~*~


VH~Carl, (Ü) I need you to do something.

~I'm not going to like this, am I?


~*~*~*~


~(Ü)~::raising his magma invention thingie.:: Now, I know what it's for, now I know what it's for! Where are we going?

VH, AV~Through that window!


~*~*~*~


VH~(Ü)~Carl, you're a genius!

~::spits water out.:: A genius with access to unstable chemicals!


~*~*~*~


VH~I'll save him.

~No you can't.

VH~Why not?!

~I came from Rome early to tell of our situation (OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT).

VH~What did they say?!

~Even if you somehow manage to kill Dracula, Rome orders you to destroy Frankenstein as well.

VH~He isn't evil!

~Yes, but they say he isn't human either!

VH~Do they know him?! Have they talked with him?! Who do they think is in charge?! (OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT).

~They want you to destroy him so he can never be used to harm humanity.

VH~And what of me? Did you tell them what I am to become?! ::strangles CARL. Poor CARL!:: Did they tell you how to kill me?! (A BUNCH OF RAMBLINGS I COULDN'T MAKE OUT). A big measure of silver bullets!?! (ANOTHER BUNCH OF RAMBLINGS I COULDN'T MAKE OUT.)

AV~NO!

~::gasping for air.:: No, I left you out!


~*~*~*~


~There's still time. Dracula can't bring his children to life until the sun sets.

AV~The sun sets in two hours! We've been looking for him for more than 400 years!

~Yes, well, I wasn't around for those 400 years, now was I?


~*~*~*~


VH~Well, Carl, what have you learned?

~That Count Dracula was actually...(I COULDN'T MAKE OUT THE NAME OF THE GUY)...the son of your ancestor.

AV~Everybody knows that. What else?

~All right then. Well, according to this rubbing, it all started when Dracula was murdered.

VH~Any idea who murdered him?

~No, there's just some vague reference to the Left Hand of God. And in 1462, when Dracula died, he made a covenant with the devil.

VH~Then he was given a new life.

AV~But the only way for him to sustain this life was by drinking the blood of others.

~Excuse me, are you going to let me tell the story?

VH, AV~Sorry.

~Now, your ancestor, having sired this evil creature, went to Rome to seek forgiveness. That's when the bargain was made. He was to kill Dracula in return of eternal salvation of his entire family right down the line all the way to you.

AV~But he couldn't do it! As evil as Dracula was, he couldn't kill his own son!

~So he banished him to an icy fortress, sending him through a door from which there was no return.

AV~And then the devil gave him wings.

~Yes.

VH~All right, so where's this door?

~I don't know. But when your ancestor couldn't kill his son, he left clues ::pulls the trigger on the wall:: so that future generations might do it for him.


~*~*~*~


~::points:: And look at the inscription on the side. I bet it works like that painting in the tower.

AV~If this was the door, my father would have opened it ages ago.

~I can't finish the inscription. There's a piece missing.

VH~::pulls something out of his pocket.:: Your father didn't have this!

AV~Where did you get that?

VH~::gives the piece to CARL.:: Carl, finish it!

~::Fits the piece in and reads the inscription.::

VH~"In the name of God, open this door!"

::THE MAP TURNS INTO A MIRROR OF SORTS.::

~A mirror!

AV~Dracula has no reflection in the mirror!

VH~But why?

~Maybe...maybe to Dracula, it wasn't a mirror at all.


~*~*~*~


~Do we have a plan? It doesn't have to be something very smart (I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PART EITHER), but some sort of plan would be nice.

VH~We're going to go in there and kill Dracula.

AV~And kill anything that gets in our way.

~::turns to leave.:: Well, you let me know how it goes. ::VH grabs him and AV by the scruffs of their collars and pulls them with him as he jumps from parapet to column until they get past the door.:: Well, as grateful as I am to be out of the cold, that doesn't seem like a good thing!


~*~*~*~


~So are all of those...?

AV~Yes.

~And inside them are...?

VH~Yes.


~*~*~*~


VH~::strangling Igor:: Why does Dracula have a cure?!

~Because! Because the only thing that can kill Dracula is a werewolf! The painting! That's what it meant!

AV~But Dracula's been using werewolves to do his bidding for centuries!

~Yes, yes, but if one ever had the will to turn against him, he'd need the cure to remove the curse and make him human before it bit him.


~*~*~*~


VH~You're going to lead these 2 to the cure!

IGOR~No I'm not! ::VH throws him down against a rock.:: Yes, I am.

~Here's the plan. When the bell begins to toll midnight, you'll be able to kill Dracula. We just need to find the cure and get it into you before the final stroke.

AV~::smacks CARL in the arm:: Are you insane?! What kind of a plan is that?


~*~*~*~


VH~If I'm not cured by the final stroke of midnight...::hands CARL the silver stake.::

~::looks frightened at the prospect.:: I don't think I could.

VH~You must.

~ ::looks from the stake, to VH, then nods with determination. Grabs Igor.:: Come on!


~*~*~*~


AV~::peering into the glass bubble.:: Go ahead. Grab it.

~You go ahead and grab it! If there's one thing I've learned, it's never be the first one to stick your hand in a viscous material.

::Remaining Bride of Dracula appears from behind and growls. AV and Carl back away.::

Aleera~Did I scare you?

~::swallows hard.:: No.

Aleera~Then maybe I should try a little harder! ::sneers. AV pushes the glass bubble at her and she starts howling in pain because of the liquid inside.::

~SEE! Viscous material, what did I tell you!


~*~*~*~


FM~HELP ME!!!!

~But you're supposed to die!

FM~I want to LIVE!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!

~::moment of hesitation, then nods.:: Alright! HOLD ON! I'll swing you loose! ::topples over the potted plant thingie that's holding the rope up, so Frankenstein swings away.::


~*~*~*~


~::looks up at Anna through the broken window:: Anna! I need a little HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! Hurry!


~*~*~*~


~::raises the stake, ready to impale Van Helsing the Werewolf on it.:: God forgive me.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



That's about it, if I'm not mistaken. If you have any contributions to this, or any corrections, please don't hesitate to tell me what they are. I do promise to give you credit.


In the meantime, this isn't the only Carl-related activity I did. I also have some screencaps of Carl from the movie which you can find here and a few sound clips in .wav files of Carl from the movie to go with these transcripts, which you can find by clicking here. Bye now!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


DISCLAIMER: Van Helsing and all other related characters are trademark of Universal Studios and owned by Stephen Sommers, writer and director of the movie.



This page first finished June 1, 2004. Completely designed and encoded by MARCIANA. Copyright SPLOINK 2004(<-Marciana's site design tradename).